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Elle There Right There Look at that tan, well tended skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh Please he's gay, totally gay. Callahan I'm not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say not gay. All That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey? Emmett But look at his coiffed and crispy locks. Elle Look at his silk translucent socks. Callahan There's the eternal paradox. Look what we're seeing. Elle What are we seeing? Callahan Is he gay? Elle Of course he's gay. Calahan Or European? All ohhhhhh. Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee Is he gay or European? Warner Well, hey don't look at me. Vivian You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports. All In shiny shirts and tiny shorts. Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks. They will say things like "ciao bella" while they kiss you on both cheeks. Elle Oh please. All Gay or European? So many shades of gray. Warner Depending on the time of day, the French go either way. All Is he gay or European? or Enid There Right There Look at that condescending smirk. Seen it on every guy at work. That is a metro hetero jerk. That guy's not gay, I say no way. All That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume Elle Is automatically-radically Callahan Ironically chronically Vivian Certainly pertin'tly Warner Genetically medically All GAY OFFICIALLY GAY OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY DAMNIT Gay or European? Callahan So stylish and relaxed. All Is he gay or European? Callahan I think his chest is waxed. Vivian But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse. All If he wears a kilt or bears a purse. Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code. Brooke Yet his accent is hypnotic but his shoes are pointy toed. All Huh. Gay or European? So many shades of gray. Judge But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday. All Is he gay or European? gay or european? Gay or Euro- Emmett Wait a minute Give me a chance to crack this guy. I have an idea I'd like to try. Callahan The floor is yours. Emmett So Mr. Argitacos... This alleged affair with Ms. Windam has been going on for...? Mikos 2 years. Emmett And your first name again is...? Mikos Mikos. Emmett And your boyfriend's name is...? Mikos Carlos. I'm sorry I misunderstand. You say boyfriend. I thought you say best friend. Carlos is my best friend. Carlos You bastard You lying bastard That's it. I no cover for you, no more Peoples. I have a big announcement. This man is Gay and European and neither is disgrace you've got to stop your being a completely closet case. No matter what he say. I swear he never ever ever swing the other way. You are so gay. You big parfait You flaming boy band cabaret. Mikos I'm straight Carlos You were not yesterday. So if I may, I'm proud to say, He's gay All And European Carlos He's gay All And European Carlos He's gay All And European and Gay Mikos Fine okay I'm gay All Hooray Mikos and Carlos Fine. Okay. We're gay